For his princess...torn to bits
by Cecil255X
Summary: A drama story humorized. Thanks to my friend and author of this story Alexandra Spears for giving me the green light and also encouraging me to rip it up :)


Link: Hey I found a story about us on fanfiction.net  
Zelda: Another one... boy some people...  
Link: but you never know, you might like this one...  
Zelda: oh alright....  
  
For His Princess...  
By Alexandra Spears  
  
Link: I know that name from somewhere...  
Zelda: you read too much of this stuff...  
  
One morning, in North Castle, sixteen-year-old Link woke up feeling sick. Groaning, he  
managed to sit up and throw the blanket off his legs. The moment he did that he felt cold,  
so he dove back under his blanket.   
  
"I'm not getting up," he murmured to himself.  
  
Zelda: well at least they got you down right.   
Link: Shaddap!   
  
Link had just drifted back off to sleep when there was a sharp knock on his door. "Link,  
it's Zelda," came a feminine voice. "Come on, time to get up!"  
  
Zelda: Yeah, get your lazy carcass outta that bed!   
Link: I wasn't so lazy in that bed last night now was I?  
Zelda: ........Just read the damn story....  
  
"I'm not getting up!" Link managed to pipe up.  
  
Link: yeah, so there!  
Zelda: hmmph  
  
The door opened and Zelda came in. "And why aren't you getting up?" she snapped.  
  
Zelda: Like I don't already know all your excuses by heart  
Link: Mental Note...make new excuses....  
  
"Because I don't feel well."  
  
Zelda: HA!  
Link: Well what if it turned out that I really DIDN'T feel well?  
Zelda: I'd throw you some water of life and you'd be fine.  
  
"Link, you can't fool me. Stop faking it and get up." She had an idea. "Link, if you get up,  
you get a big kiss!"  
  
Zelda: What?! What the hell is that? The princess bribing her hero with sexual innuendo...   
Link: Where's the downside?  
  
Link buried his head in his pillow and moaned. That was when Zelda knew something was  
wrong. Link would never miss a chance to kiss her. Granted they always got interrupted,  
but even so....  
  
Link: This ALWAYS happens!   
Zelda: but you could be dying!  
Link: oh yeah....  
  
Zelda went over to the bed. Link rolled over onto his back and Zelda noticed that he was  
sweating. She touched his cheeks and forehead, found that they were hot to the touch,  
indicating a fever. "Link, what's wrong? What hurts?" Zelda asked, sounding concerned.  
  
Link: I probably fell asleep on your damn bow and arrows again  
Zelda: Hey, I offered you top or bottom and you chose it... don't come crying to me....  
  
Link was shivering and he tightly wrapped himself with his single light blanket in response.  
Seeing that he was cold, Zelda went to the closet and got a heavy blanket. She covered  
him with it, tucking it in around his head.  
  
Link: What, it's not in a treasure chest?  
Zelda: Your mouth should be in a treasure chest... in the lost woods!   
  
At that point, Spryte, a fairy princess, wafted in. "Did you get that boy up yet?" she  
asked.  
  
Zelda: I was waiting for that little bit-  
Link: bitty fairy... little bitty fairy....   
Zelda: yeah, should match up well with your little bitty...  
Link: ........Just read the damn story....  
  
"Spryte, I need you to get the court physician. Something's wrong with him."  
  
Zelda: something's wrong all right... you haven't even tried to make an ass of yourself  
Link: the story just started, Zelda.  
Zelda: true.....  
  
"He even looks sick," said Spryte as she flitted out the door.  
  
Zelda: I hope you get run over by a Moblin!  
Link: Zelda...that's not nice...  
Zelda: you're right... that Moblin never did a thing to me....  
  
It turned out that Link had cut himself on an extremely rare and poisonous plant. Link had  
up to a few months to live, but it could be less if he didn't rest all he could. The physician  
had asked Spryte to find one of those flowers, since fairies were immune to them. He  
wanted to see if he could somehow find a cure.  
  
Link: gulp  
Zelda: My goodness... I didn't know she had it in for you  
Link: Z...Zelda....there really aren't any of those plants in Hyrule, are there?  
Zelda: I'm not going to answer that.....  
Link: blinks oh crap.....  
  
"I'm just going to be useless now," Link said, blinking back tears. "I suppose you want me  
to leave...?"  
  
Zelda: You think I'd ever kick you out? Let alone when you're DYING?!  
Link: Hey I didn't say it.. this is a story remember?  
Zelda: oh yeah....  
  
"Oh, no, no, Link!" Zelda exclaimed as she sat on the edge of his bed. He sat up, and she  
threw her arms around him. "You've helped us a lot. How can we not help you,  
regardless?"  
  
Link: you...you're touching me..  
Zelda: that's new...  
  
Zelda held Link at arm's length, saw the tears in his eyes. She she pulled him to her so his  
head rested on her chest. She stroked the side of his head, tears spilling down her  
cheeks. "I love you, Link," she whispered.  
  
Link: spits out his drink you wha who!?  
Zelda: uh...like you said.. it's just a story....  
Link: rrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiggghttttttttt.......  
  
Link lay back on his pillow and Zelda covered him with the blankets. "I'll get a room fixed  
up for you downstairs," she said. "If you need to rest all you can, you shouldn't be  
climbing stairs."  
  
Link: yeah!  
Zelda: Man do I sound like a nursemaid or what?  
Link: must be all those years hanging around Impa.  
  
Link was sitting in the courtyard, leaning against the wall, hugging his knees to his chest.  
It was a few days later. He felt a little better, well enough to come out, so he'd come out  
here to cry in private.  
  
Zelda: You can WALK!? You get out there and fight right now!  
Link: Yeah...real nursemaid you are.....  
  
He still felt a bit cold and weak. It was fall and the days would be getting shorter and  
colder. Zelda had sent Spryte to find the flower; hopefully it was still blooming.  
  
Zelda: well, I guess it might be...  
Link: is there something you're not tellin me?  
Zelda: no! no! it's just a story! Just...a..story... sheepish smile  
  
He remembered what the doctor had said--his immunity would be impaired. Which basically  
meant that Link would be weak and sickly.  
  
Someone was coming. Link hastily dried his eyes and looked up. It was Zelda.  
  
"Link?"  
  
"Who's gonna guard the Triforce?" Link asked.  
  
Zelda: well at least you can still think straight.  
Link: If I had said anything else would you have cared?  
Zelda: ......no.  
Link: didn't think so.  
  
Zelda could see that Link's eyes were red from crying. "Link, you just may get a cure  
really soon. Don't worry about it."  
  
Link stood up. "I think it's time we got the Triforce of Power from Ganon," he declared.  
  
Zelda: yeah... in that shape you couldn't delcare your taxes!  
Link: Laugh it up.......  
  
"Link! If you go into battle you'll only get sick!" Zelda reminded him.  
  
Zelda: Weren't you already sick?  
Link: we're all SICK, Zelda..  
Zelda: slaps him across the back of the head  
  
Link gently took Zelda by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Even if I die right after  
you receive the Triforce of Power, it'll be worth it. Your kingdom will be safe and I  
wouldn't be needed anymore anyway."  
  
Link: See? I said something smart.  
Zelda: well I'll be damned....  
  
Zelda saw his logic. But there was something he didn't seem to realize. "Link, I need you.  
Not just for protection...but for your companionship. Sure, you can be annoying  
sometimes, but I'd really miss that."  
  
Zelda: Like a hole in the head....  
Link: Keep that up and you'll get one..  
  
"What good is it if Ganon gets the Triforce of Wisdom? Then we'd all be doomed," Link  
pointed out.  
  
Zelda hugged him. "You definitely deserve to hold the Triforce of Courage within you," she  
said. "You're right. But I want to help you."  
  
"Even if I get really sick or even die, I want you to know it's worth it, my princess," said  
Link. "Kiss?" Surely she couldn't say no....  
  
Zelda: Who is this woman writing this?   
Link: Alexandra Spears  
Zelda: I might have to email her...  
  
"Definitely--for your selflessness."  
  
Link: I did not see that coming...  
Zelda: well one thing's right on the money... this is definitely fiction.  
  
They kissed tenderly. Link cupped her cheek in his hand and stroked her temple with his  
thumb as they kissed. "I love you, Zelda. I'm doing this for you. I'd give my life for you."  
  
Zelda: You're giving your life because you're dying anyway, and as always, you want to make yourself look good.  
Link: Well EXCCCCUUUUUUUUUUUSE me, Princess.  
  
"Does it have to be now?" Zelda asked.  
  
Zelda: blinks .....what.....  
Link: What's the matter?  
Zelda: that line sounds a little...suggestive...  
Link: I'm listening.  
  
"Zelda, I'm only going to get worse, not better. There's no guarantee that a cure will be  
found or will even work," said Link. "If I am going to be dead within a few months, I want  
to die knowing that you and your kingdom will be safe."  
  
Zelda: Famous last words...  
Link: Hey I got a few months left!  
Zelda: damn....  
  
"Link, I want you to know I'm sorry for all the mean things I've said and done," said Zelda.  
  
Zelda: I am?  
  
"It's all right...I forgave you a long time ago. I wouldn't have you any other way." Still,  
Link knew that she was trying to tell him this now rather than at his funeral, when he  
wouldn't be able to hear it.  
  
Link: Yeah, I don't wanna hear it.  
  
Zelda collapsed in his arms and sobbed on his shoulder as if her world were ending. She  
was taking this awfully hard, Link thought. He wished she'd stop...he was about to start  
crying again.  
  
Link: yeah cut it out already.  
Zelda: but...you're dying...   
Link: Remember the last time I was dying? You slobbered all over yourself till my ghost showed up  
Zelda: Don't remind me...  
Link: I just did..  
Zelda: ........Just read the damn story....  
  
Link tightened his arms around her, the tears starting again. He was wondering what  
would happen to Zelda after he was gone. "We'll go tomorrow," he told her. "We'll get the  
Triforce of Power and beat Ganon once and for all. I want to do this while I'm actually  
feeling all right."  
  
Zelda: yeah I guess you do feel all right all wrapped around me.  
Link: I like her style.  
  
Zelda could barely sleep that night. Link had already gone to bed downstairs, as he was  
tired. He was right--it was better this way. If they didn't get that Triforce and Link died,  
who would protect the Triforce of Wisdom?  
  
Zelda: Spryte could do it.  
Link: She'd be dead in 30 seconds!   
Zelda: ..Spryte could do it.  
  
Dressed in her pink nightgown and reading a book in bed, Zelda sipped some warm milk to  
help her sleep. Spryte was out right now looking for that flower. At least there was still  
some hope.  
  
Link: hooray!  
Zelda: yeah... whoop dee doo.  
  
Link's illness was what had more or less forced her to admit that she loved Link. She'd  
loved him from the beginning. She'd tried to tell herself that he wasn't good enough, but a  
recent experience with that snobby white knight had made her think differently. Sure Link  
might be a tad unrefined, but he was more than willing to lay down his life for her--and  
he'd told her that today. Why put up with a snooty stuffed-shirt type when she could  
have a young man who actually loved her? Love was more important. Besides, her father  
liked Link and wasn't above tousling his hair when he walked by him. Link was almost like a  
son to King Harkinian. Zelda couldn't forget that one time when Link had swung in through  
her window--her own father had encouraged him to do so, and had advised him to take  
flowers with him to give to her!  
  
Zelda: Dad?!!? Dad told you to do that?  
Link: Well, yeah....   
Zelda: MEN!  
  
What must Link be thinking? Zelda thought as she sighed and laid the open book on her  
lap. What was he going through, knowing that several months from now he probably  
wouldn't be here? He seemed to accept it, to take it in stride, but there had been that  
look in his eyes that clearly said, "No! I don't want to go! I want to stay here! Sixteen  
years isn't long enough!" He was probably being brave for her. Maybe it was the Triforce  
of Courage within him. She could sure use some courage herself.  
  
Zelda: Yeah! Gimme the damn triforce!  
Link: it's mine!   
Zelda: screw you!  
Link: When and where?  
Zelda: mutters incoherently  
  
Finally Zelda fell asleep and her sleep was troubled, snippets of dreams coming and going,  
dreaming of Link dying violently, of Link dying peacefully in her arms....  
  
Link: can't make up your mind?  
Zelda: Alexandra really must be toying with you...  
Link: Gee, you just figuring this out now?  
  
Link sat with Zelda and her father at breakfast. Link merely picked at his food, since he  
didn't have much of an appetite. "Come on, Link, eat up," said Harkinian. "You need your  
strength if you're going to go on that mission."  
  
"Yes, sir," said Link.  
  
"Link, how are you feeling?" asked Zelda.  
  
"I'm all right, considering...."   
  
Link: how'm I supposed to eat when I don't do anything?  
Zelda: well... I could give ya something to do AND something to eat...  
Link: oh really...  
  
Zelda and her father looked at each other. Usually Link ate enough for a whole army, as  
Spryte would oh-so-delicately put it. Zelda could tell that her father was worried too.  
Sure, he wanted his kingdom safe, but he didn't want to lose his friend Link.  
  
Zelda: well damn! I guess not  
Link: So you do care...  
Zelda: herm... uh... well you're not THAT bad..  
  
After breakfast Link and Zelda got ready to go. Harkinian hugged them both. "You two be  
careful," he told them. "Now I don't want to lose either of you."  
  
"You won't, Daddy," said Zelda. "Not if we can help it."  
  
Zelda: Lose my best friend? I don't think so!  
Link: Isn't that someone else's line?  
Zelda: oh yeah..  
  
Zelda and Link mounted their horses. "The entrance closest to Ganon's lair is near Death  
Mountain," said Link. "Let's head there."  
  
"Link, I want you to be careful," said Zelda.  
  
"I will, milady," said Link.  
  
Zelda: Did you just call me a malady?  
Link: A whoady?  
Zelda: Nevermind...  
  
They rode off. Link looked around whenever he could. Things he'd taken for  
granted...trees, green grass--he took a little time to appreciate them. He could die during  
this battle or he could become very sick and be cooped up in the castle. He was putting  
his health--possibly his life--at great risk and he knew it.  
  
Link: What else is new?  
Zelda: My hairpiece?  
  
After a few hours they reached the base of Death Mountain. "Appropriately named," Link  
muttered. "Death Mountain."  
  
"Link, please...," Zelda pleaded.  
  
Zelda: you really have a way with words...  
Link: I learn from the best.  
Zelda: What's that supposed to mean?!  
Link: snickers  
  
Link dismounted his brown horse, Catherine, and helped Zelda off her white one. He took  
her into his arms and kissed her gently. "Let's go do it," he said as he hugged her. He was  
glad that his illness wasn't contagious. That would have been one terrible thing--Zelda  
not being able to kiss him like that.  
  
Zelda: Yeah, then you'd be screwed.  
Link: spits out drink again you'd screw me?!  
Zelda: slaps self in the forehead and drags hand down her face  
  
"Link, help only if I need it," said Zelda.  
  
"Aren't we overprotective...."  
  
"Link, if there's any way you'll get out of this alive...."  
  
"You're right. I'll need my strength for Ganon. I think we need a silver arrow though." Link  
began leading the way.  
  
Link: so you do want me to get through it alive  
Zelda: well duh  
  
The pair fought their way through the dungeon, to the silver arrow chamber. Zelda did  
most of the fighting. Link had to help some and she was worried, as he seemed to be  
weakening.  
  
Link: What'd I do?  
Zelda: you tripped over a Daria.  
Link: ow...  
  
Link put the silver arrow into his magic pouch. He sat down on the pedestal it had been  
resting on and tried to catch his breath. "I'm so tired," he said.  
  
"Ganon's lair isn't far," said Zelda as she sat down next to him. She put her arm around  
Link's shoulders. "Hang in there, Link." She gently turned his face towards hers and placed  
her lips on his.   
  
Zelda: Too Much Information....  
Link: I thought there wasn't enough  
  
Somehow the kiss made Link feel a lot better. "Well, let's go, Zelda," he said, standing up.  
"Let's go get your Triforce."  
  
Zelda bombed the door open and she and Link found themselves face-to-face with the  
evil wizard Ganon. "What brings you meddlers here!?" he shrieked.  
  
Link: uh... my impending death?  
Zelda: we should tell him that.. he'd be so pissed he can't kill you.  
Link: yeah.. that'd be cool.  
  
"I just want our Triforce back, pig-face," said Zelda.  
  
"Well I want yours!" said Ganon. "Get them, my minions!"  
  
Zelda: Gotta hand it to Ganon for the best comebacks.  
Link: what? No "my pretties?"  
  
An army of Stalfos emerged from the roiling pink mists of the Evil Jar. Link quickly threw a  
bomb in there and the jar exploded. Zelda pulled him back against the far wall as the pink  
fluid spilled out, carrying the Stalfos away. "It's just you and us, Ganon," said Zelda.  
  
"Oh really," said Ganon. "You'll not get my Triforce!"  
  
Zelda: okay, this guy's really reaching now.  
Link: You'd think he was reading his lines from a script..  
  
Link gave Ganon a couple of zaps with his magic sword. "Zelda--the arrow!" he hissed.  
  
Zelda was a very good archer and Link knew she seldom missed. She grabbed the arrow  
and a bow from Link's pouch and took aim.  
  
Ganon shot magic bolts at the pair and they managed to dodge them. Link executed a  
back flip towards Ganon and slashed him with his sword. Ganon howled in pain and that  
was when Zelda fired the silver arrow, which flew directly into the villain's heart.  
  
Ganon seemed to explode. When the blinding red light was gone, just his robe was there,  
and in it a pile of ashes, in which sat the silver arrow.  
  
Zelda: Now that's a quality arrow.  
Link: Made in Hyrule.  
  
Zelda took the Triforce of Power from its pedestal. "Let's get out of here, Link! This place  
is going to cave in!" It was true; the entire dungeon was trembling.  
  
"Zelda--go! I'm too tired," Link told her.  
  
Link: I shouldn't have eaten the stroganoff.  
Zelda: princess voice I never cared for stroganoff.  
  
"No, you're coming with me!" Zelda took his hand and led him out of the labyrinth. They  
got out just in time, and Link passed out.  
  
Link: Yay! I pass out!  
Zelda: probably the shock of me taking your hand.  
  
Link was waking up in bed some time later. Zelda was sitting at his bedside. "We did it,  
Link," she said. "We got the Triforce of Power and Hyrule will be safe forever."  
  
"How long have I been out?"  
  
"Since yesterday," Zelda replied. "You wore yourself out and made yourself really sick.  
You're to stay in bed until you regain your strength."  
  
"Zelda, when I get well, will you marry me?"  
  
Link and Zelda both look at each other and laugh hysterically  
  
Zelda looked a little surprised. "Yes."  
  
Link: oh yeah, I'm dying.. I forgot about that.  
Zelda: I'm gonna marry a dead guy.. eh, still beats that white knight.  
  
"I want to be well first. If Spryte manages to get that plant...." He smiled as he drifted off  
to sleep.  
  
Zelda: awwww...  
Link: What, do I look all cute?  
Zelda: no, you finally shut up.  
  
EPILOGUE  
  
The next week Spryte came back with the flower. The physician, who was a very learned  
man, managed to make an antidote that worked, and Link recovered.  
  
Soon afterward, Link and Zelda were married and raised their children in a safe and  
peaceful Hyrule.  
  
Link: Well whaddaya know, I live!  
Zelda: that's great!   
Link: smirks at Zelda you were pulling for me the whole time!  
Zelda: well..er..maybe just a little..  
Link: you were!! You were!!!  
Zelda: I uh..have to go check on the triforce now runs out of the room grinning but Link can't see her grin   



End file.
